Posts Tagged ‘hearing’

fighting for change

when i was in law school,
my brother-in-law
would sometimes

when we’d go to
the grocery store,
i’d pay and then,
four times out of five,
the cashier (female
or male) would
reach to hand him
the change

“um, that’s hers,”
he’d say, routing
the change
back to me

more than a decade later,
i continue to get
the change consistently
when there’s no man around,
but often have to work for it
when there is

so, yesterday,
when i made a kind of payment
and the change was directed to
a male friend instead,
i went ugh, gah,

but i
was silent.
i just
did not
have it in me
to fight for change
right then

having never been
in a like situation
with this friend,
i wasn’t sure
what he’d do

and thus was glad
when he said,
“you should
give the change
to her”

it shouldn’t take a man to say it
for someone else to hear it,
but in those cases
where it does,
i am thankful
for the men
who will
and do say,
“i’m not


Something (inevitably) better

Categories: Personal, Women Tags: , , ,

Unsubscribing effective immediately

Illuminated logos litter the dim horizon.

Stop here! they implore. Buy here! Give us your money!

The signs grow taller, brighter, louder.

They force themselves into consumer vision to force themselves into consumer minds, the better to extract money from consumer wallets.

They bombard me and tell me it’s for my own good. We’re trying to make your life more convenient! sounds kinder than: We want so much share in your mind that you forget we have competitors!

If this were only a roadside signs problem, it wouldn’t be so bad … but the problem is everywhere. Read more…

That moment, the end

That moment
when he smiles,
looks you in the eye,
(with a straight face)
tells you who you are

That moment
when he mistakes
how much you care
what he does
does not

That moment
when you
tell him, but
to smile back

(Your words
will not be heard;
best to preserve
for those
to hear them)

That moment,
the end;
the beginning
of something


“This is not a good time for this call,” I told the vendor whose call I’d just accidentally answered.

“But I want you to know how much I’m doing to help you and what I’m doing to resolve these issues and–”

“This is not a good time for this call,” I restated. “I spent an ungodly amount of time trying to resolve account issues that shouldn’t even have been issues yesterday. It took me away from the big stuff I needed to do, stuff I now need to focus on. I cannot spend one more second with you on this right now.”

“You’re not being fair!” she exclaimed. She again launched into an explanation of everything she was doing to help me, clearly having had no acquaintance with the idea of “lizard brain,” the mode people get into when higher brain functioning has shut off and they’re operating at a primal reactive level. I was in lizard brain mode, and no good was going to come from immediate further conversation.

“You’re not hearing me. Read more…

Hearing NO

There’s a conversation that happens more than any other around my house.

“Mommy, can I have a bubble maker/new game/that toy I just saw on TV?” my four-year-old son, Li’l D, will ask.

“No, sweetheart.”

“How about now?” he’ll usually ask about two minutes later.

Asked and answered. You’re not going to get a different answer today.” Sometimes this deters him. Other times, it takes a few more rounds for him to understand there’s no way “no” is going to become “yes.”

Li’l D recently became a fan of Ghostbusters. He became such a fan, actually, that he decided he needed his own costume. My husband set out to make one for each of them.


Getting ready for the Long Beach Comic Expo last weekend, my husband and I asked Li’l D if he wanted to wear his costume. “No,” Li’l D said definitively.  Read more…


It is not my obligation to be nice to you.

I don’t owe you anything.

Not because I’m a woman. Not because I’m in your vicinity. Not because it’s convenient to you, even if you’re a jerk to me. Not because pretty posters on Facebook tell me I ought.

Like this one, created for the purpose of this post

Like this one, created for the purpose of this post

A year or so ago, I told someone that something was hurting me. Then I told them again, and again. Read more…

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