Home > Death, Family, Love, Parenting > at the same time

at the same time

Someone said something
that catapulted me back
to February 2009

I had to try working
and try raising a
five-month-old
and try saying
goodbye
to my
dying
mom,
all at
the
same
time

One morning,
I sat in a corner
of my mom’s
empty, cold
house, twenty
feet from where
she lay dying, and
burst into
tears on
a conference
call:

Not only
could I not
answer a question,
I could not do right
by my son,
and I could
not ease my
mom’s pain,
and I could
just not
be
enough

To feel then
and now, together,
from within a community
of people who understand
is a blessing

I did what I could
with what I had,

And,
of course, I know
from my mom
“enough”
does
not
mean
“perfect”

I answered
the questions,
provided the care,
and said the farewells
that I could

From here,
I see that it was
enough, for me,
for my son, and
for my mom,
who was mighty
proud at how I
could work
and parent
and say goodbye,
all at
the
same
time

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  1. August 17, 2017 at 1:15 pm

    Isn’t it wonderful when we can look back at those dark, stressful times, and realize that we made it through.

    • August 17, 2017 at 3:01 pm

      It really is. In the first moment such memories are jarred loose, it really is like you’ve gone back in time and are there again. It is so good to realize, hey, I made it! and bring the past up to speed.

  2. August 17, 2017 at 7:04 pm

    Aw, beautiful. Mom would be proud of you (and is, wherever she may be). I love you!

    • August 18, 2017 at 3:45 pm

      I love you! I’m not sure I told you where this post came from, but I’ll try to remember telling you the next time we talk. So lovely. ♥

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