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we will

On Thursday, I had an experience that kinda changed everything for me. I’m not able to write about it in detail, but the core of it was me asking:

Can you change any of what happened yesterday? No? Then what do we do about making tomorrow better?!

Yes, I wrote a sad post yesterday. Yes, it was about how much yesterday influences today, especially for people who grew up in chaos.

But, you know what? That was already the remnants of something that had to be let go, for me to move on.

Because in that moment of arguing for tomorrow (and someone going, the next morning, “DEB FOR PRESIDENT!!!”), I saw: 

This is what it means, to show care for what happens next, for everyone’s children.

My own littlest is snuggled next to me as I type this and think,

Fuck, yeah. The future’s gonna be okay.

We can–and will!–make it that way!

Categories: Reflections Tags: , , ,
  1. July 15, 2017 at 3:44 pm

    I hope so. I really hope so. On my dark days I wonder – which doesn’t stop me trying.

    • July 15, 2017 at 4:00 pm

      I wonder, too. Success will come when people see possibilities beyond what we’re told is inevitable, and the love in each other … beyond stupid sayings like “hurt people hurt people” (guilty of using!) which focus on a very, very narrow range of hurt, with a definition beneficial to a very small number of people and hurtful to most. So: it’s up to everyone. Success isn’t inevitable, but for everyones’ kids, I sure do hope we can find our way.

  2. July 15, 2017 at 4:17 pm

    I recently found this quote and really like it, “Be the love you never received.” That’s what I’m trying to do.

  3. July 15, 2017 at 5:02 pm

    I love this post so much! And I absolutely needed it today 🙂

  4. Strays Welcome Interfaith Ministries
    July 17, 2017 at 6:19 am

    It’s amazing how much those ACEs affect us. It’s not so much sympathy survivors want as much as understanding. Our past infiltrates our present in so, so many ways, large and small. And yet some of us do make it (more or less) and then we reach back, if we are mindful, and try to pull others up to our rocky, shifting overlook, all the while fighting to make our world a little kinder. That’s what I see you doing at least and I’m grateful.

    • July 20, 2017 at 5:03 pm

      Aaah, friend, you see what I’m trying to do, even when I’m not doing it well. What’s done for me is done, and I try to let it be done … but what absolutely wrecks me is knowing my “then” is so many people’s “now.” It doesn’t have to be that way. So I want folks who are perplexed by the intensity of some of my responses to understand that … the past greatly impacts today. Despite survive and in some ways thriving, the suffering persists. It must always be coaxed, y’know? I want zero-ACErs to know these things millions of people are living, now, outside their line of sight.

      Something that’s been so hard for me to come to terms with is … the number of ways people who don’t want to see shift the burden of seeing. It’s always someone else’s fault. The things folks choose to see and not see directly impact the health of the world our kids inherit, with webs of exploitation being behind all of it. I was so desperate for people to see that our waiting for this or that elected official hurts our kids, I lost today.

      Now I have to figure out how to love today, and all the people in it, no matter what might happen tomorrow as a result of (un)seeing today. It’s easier by far when I’m not constantly immersing myself in vicarious trauma through books! So, onward, hopefully with love and patience, instead of great sorrow at how many suffer needlessly, beyond my reach, today.


  5. July 17, 2017 at 9:16 am

    I’m going to use an odd reference from the series Luke Cage, but it just makes sense. Luke’s mentor had a motto: “Always forward, never backward.” I feel it’s relevant 🙂

    • July 20, 2017 at 5:04 pm

      Totally! I was torn for a while, because not understanding the past dramatically increases likelihood of repeating I. But that’s just a fraction of … all of life, and this should always be carried in mind. 🙂

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