Home > Family, Friends, Love, Safety > making new comfort zones

making new comfort zones

ten months ago,
i took my older son
to meet his new teacher
at a new school

he was nervous.
i told him i get
nervous, too

impossible thingstoday,
i took him
to a birthday party
at a park, where he
drank lemonade
from teacups,
breathed sugar,
and ran circles
around his
his friends

i breathed thanks
that, though he’s known
some hard times, he
still doesn’t know
what it’s like to be
one of the odd ones

to him,
“safety” is
the norm

i have grown
with my son
this year

at its beginning,
i believed that
saying my past
still hurt me

since then,
i have come
to see it simply

(what a

heartlightso, today,
i stood
in the sunlight
with people
old and young
who love my son
and thought
how good
it is

  1. Paul
    June 26, 2016 at 6:15 pm

    Beautiful Deborah. Safety is so so important and brittle. it must be cherished and protected. Unfortunately it must not supersede freedom.

    • June 26, 2016 at 6:21 pm

      Thanks, Paul.

      The safety of which I speak is a different, more personal one than the broader kind to which I think you refer.

      Where that kind of safety is concerned–related to government instead of nongovernmental individuals–I agree that freedom is paramount. Some (particularly in my nation) use vague “safety” as the justification for all kinds of destruction disguised as protection. That I cannot and will not ever endorse.

      • Paul
        June 26, 2016 at 6:23 pm

        Thank you Deborah.

  2. June 26, 2016 at 6:18 pm


  3. June 26, 2016 at 6:22 pm

    beautiful 🙂 he is lucky to have a mom who loves him so much 🙂

    • June 26, 2016 at 6:24 pm

      I wish everyone, everywhere could know deeply in a way far beyond words that they are thusly loved.

      • June 27, 2016 at 1:42 pm

        wow very powerful words. I wish the same and for people to love themselves unconditionally. Oh what a world it would be. 🙂

  4. June 26, 2016 at 6:34 pm

    This is so beautiful.

  5. June 26, 2016 at 6:46 pm

    Lovely. I hope (so much) that he continues to expand his comfort zones. Not new ones, but bigger ones. Much, much bigger ones.
    Something I hope for all of us.

    • June 26, 2016 at 7:00 pm

      I wish him both: expansion of existing comfort zones, and entry into completely new ones. (For me, his starting first grade in this totally new environment was entry into a new zone I couldn’t initially decide might ever be comfortable!)

  6. June 27, 2016 at 6:47 am

    I am terrified knowing that my daughter will be one of the “odd ones.” She doesn’t know it now. But she will. My heart is already breaking. I only hope that once she endures that, she will be an “eccentric” one in the best possible way.

    • June 27, 2016 at 7:22 am

      The good news from this side of being an “odd one” is that there’s a lot of freedom to go, be, and do things that others fear to do for how they’ll look. That can be a very empowering thing, beyond the loneliness, and such an asset past the years where the same small groups of people perpetuate their ideas of “normal” and “odd.” On this side of things, I am glad to have been one of the odd ones … and hopeful my sons will derive some of the benefits through how it’s shaped my thinking, without many of the detriments. One thing I am certain of: a parent’s love and encouragement makes all the difference, so that your love will be an anchor no matter what.

  7. June 27, 2016 at 7:14 am

    I am so thankful sometimes I read at exactly the time I need to read, not when I plan to read. This, this is what I needed to read this morning. Beautiful and exactly right.

  8. June 27, 2016 at 7:31 am

    It’s easy to forget how big this world can feel. I’m just in love with this post.
    There is something so immeasurably profound when we can actually FEEL and KNOW the moments, months, in which we grow and become more the person we want to be. As a mama I too find those times when watching my own brood grow and change and become more independent. I’ve come to understand my uniqueness is nothing more/less than who I’m meant to be, and that those who were in my life out of pity or force still helped to mold the parts of me I DO love. And it makes me so thankful that my kids are all so different.
    I love the links too! You’re on a roll sweet lady!

    • July 4, 2016 at 6:06 am

      Yes to all of what you wrote, but with special emphasis on this: “those who were in my life out of pity or force still helped to mold the parts of me I DO love.” Yes! It is so lovely to be able to appreciate those unintended gifts, and to do so from the distance of knowing there are kinder instructors worth holding nearer now. 🙂

  9. June 27, 2016 at 10:25 am

    This is wonderful! Aren’t comfort zones essential for all? I took my son to college orientation, thinking the same thing, about comfort zones and the lack of one there. He knew no one and had to stay overnight. I prayed for him to find a comfort zone and connect with others. I’m happy to say that he met two other guys with similar interests and ended up signing up to room together. Phew, a sigh of relief.

    • July 4, 2016 at 6:09 am

      I’m so glad to hear it! I hope lots of new comfort zone area is uncovered in the days and months ahead. 🙂

  10. June 28, 2016 at 7:50 am

    lovely. this was such a joy to read this morning.

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