Home > Love, Relationships, Safety > loveworthy


I haven’t been reading blogs recently, and I miss them. I miss you.

My quiet, though, is a necessary, self protective one. In this greater quiet, I have spent a lot of time thinking more about safety. I have discovered both that I haven’t been a safe place for myself and that I must work–hard–to be one now and for many tomorrows.

Silver Star & Dark Moon 4eva

Of course, even the greatest quiet must include one’s closest friend and Silver Star (aka “Rache”), and we’ve had much to share. One text message exchange in particular lit my heart such that I wanted to memorialize it, to remember the exchange and to remind myself that love isn’t a matter of luck. I wrote Rache:

[Someone] told me earlier this week that I’m lucky to be so loved … but it wasn’t luck, for me or for you or our siblings. Having known great hurt, we are also uniquely equipped to identify those who could or would never hurt us. We have sought those people in our lives and left aside the others. It is not luck that we are loved. It is that we are lovable … that we listen, and we hear, and we love so greatly.

Rache replied:

Yeah, it’s one thing to be blessed, but another thing to be lucky. Lucky implies it was just random happenstance that you forged the relationships you have. It’s effort, work, and plain ol’ personality… We can be bitter or we can try to be our best selves. One attracts people and the other doesn’t.

I’ve written more than once here that you are worthy of love, kindness, and protection.

The same is true for me, and right now, I’m plowing my way
through a crash course in treating myself as if
I am lovable and loveworthy,
and worth all the work
of really

This is not
a thinly veiled attempt
to gather more signs of
external love; I am indeed
blessed to feel that
in abundance.
What I seek
must come

  1. May 6, 2016 at 3:26 pm

    I am a safe and supportive place for others (or so I believe). For myself? Not so much. A work in progress – to which I need to devote more attention.
    And a loud and emphatic YES about the ‘luck’ of a good relationship. Not luck, but work and perserverance. Valuable work.

    • May 7, 2016 at 5:40 am

      A couple of months ago, I would’ve said I was super supportive of myself. After all, I’m pretty good about telling other people “no,” and setting healthy boundaries for myself … with other people. But once I started listening to the things I tell myself, hoo-boy, was that ever illuminating! The good news is that I can see great progress after even a single month of working on changing that self talk.

      I know the whole idea of “positive self talk” and “self compassion” seemed super fruity to me when I first started hearing about such concepts. But when you’re burnt out, trying to push yourself harder, and feeling frustrated with yourself at every turn, that is truly, physically, emotionally exhausting.

      Rather than feeling frustrated with myself for my limitations, I’m accepting them … and seeing I’m just fine even with them. Life feels a lot less grueling this way, and I’d highly recommend “talking back” to those negative thoughts as they arise. Weird at first, uplifting with practice. 🙂

  2. May 6, 2016 at 3:55 pm

    “What I seek must come from within.” So true for so many things and so many people (including myself).

    • May 7, 2016 at 5:42 am

      I wrote this without the p.s. and something felt off. I realized that, because there are so many lovely, supportive people who read here, I should probably clarify.

      It is a good place to be, to have to clarify such things. It’s also a good place to be to be feeling okay in my own skin. Hard work, great rewards. 🙂

  3. May 6, 2016 at 5:34 pm

    Love, love, love this. 🙂

  4. N.
    May 6, 2016 at 7:58 pm

    I hope you find the inner peace and safety that you’re searching for… And I so agree with the idea that ‘luck’ often has. I thing to do with it, sometimes you need to remember that you’re ‘blessed’

    • May 7, 2016 at 5:46 am

      Thank you! A month or two in, things feel so much brighter than they did when I was telling myself nothing I did was–or could ever be–enough. Life feels so much kinder showing myself the same graces I’d show friends. 🙂

  5. May 7, 2016 at 7:06 am

    may the quiet
    be restful & healing 🙂

    • May 7, 2016 at 7:08 am

      Thank you! I already feel so much better than I did just one month ago, so that I can only imagine better and better flowing from the kinder and kinder. Mmm.

  6. May 7, 2016 at 7:22 am

    Having just gone a bunch of months myself without reading anyone else’s blog, I know what you mean about missing folks! It meant so much to that you reached out to me during that period. And it means a great deal to me now, to know that you are focusing on your own needs. On showing yourself “the same graces” you show to friends.

    I cannot think of anyone more deserving. ❤

  7. May 8, 2016 at 1:59 pm

    What’s great about blogs is there here when you’re ready to come back 🙂 I have faith in you.

  8. May 10, 2016 at 6:51 pm

    Love you so much, my very worthy of love sis!

  9. May 11, 2016 at 1:57 pm

    Sending love, regardless of whether you asked for it or not.

  10. May 13, 2016 at 7:39 am

    Here’s to the innermost parts of what is a very beautiful you. 💜

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