Home > Death, Grief, Love > Running toward them

Running toward them

Today I wore
a silly pair of sneakers
to work, having donated
a dollar to charity
for the privilege

image

I didn’t think
much of the shoes
when I laced them up
this morning

Nor did I wonder
why I have been
itching to run
after not
wanting
to run
for
months

Then
an office friend
and I got to talking
about them, and I
discovered
my recent
urge to run
isn’t really
arbitrary

My mom
died of cancer
six years ago
tomorrow

Six months
after she died,
my siblings and I
ran a half marathon
for a cancer charity
in her memory

I wore
toe sneakers then,
at least until I got
so fed up with their
sogginess in the
Portland rain
that I
took them off
and ran the last
seven miles or so
barefoot

image

(So.
Much.
Better.)

I ran

We ran

We transformed
our love and
our grief
into movement;
into hope;
into a chance
for change

Our mom
was still gone
when we finished
running, but we
were still there:
in the struggle,
in the sogginess,
in the victory of
finishing
inspired
by love

And so,
this afternoon,
as I look at these
silly sneakers,
I see
I want
to run
because
running is,
for me,
a celebration
of life,
of hope,
of love,
of Mom

And I see
that I want
you to run
not only peek
in the direction
of your dreams,
thinking not
of how far
away they
appear
right
now
but
of
how
much
closer
they will be
if only you
will start
running
toward
them

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Categories: Death, Grief, Love Tags: , , , , ,
  1. March 3, 2016 at 12:29 pm

    Never stop running, my lovely friend.

  2. March 3, 2016 at 12:52 pm

    So touching. I’m sorry for your loss. She must have been an amazing woman to run barefoot, for so many miles. Thank you for the reminder. To live..this, is the life💜

    • March 3, 2016 at 4:14 pm

      Thank you. ♥ Tomorrow’s gonna be a day of laughter, love, and lots of cherishing my toe sneakers.

  3. March 3, 2016 at 1:08 pm

    Your running enabled you to fly.
    To soar above and beyond grief and pain.
    Hugs.

  4. March 3, 2016 at 1:52 pm

    It’s interesting how your inner voice knew it was time to run again. A lovely remembrance.

    • March 3, 2016 at 4:20 pm

      Around the middle of February the last few years, I’ve felt a sense of melancholy that’s perplexed me until I realize that some part of me has noted the calendar date in advance of my conscious recognition. My urge to run started growing soon after this year’s recognition, so that today felt like a great big “aha.” It’s almost like the urge to run was a big middle finger to the melancholy–a reminder to reorient my perspective. 🙂

  5. Deb
    March 3, 2016 at 2:48 pm

    Leaking eyes after this, not only for your beautiful story, but also because it is one of those days that I want to run away from here and do just as you suggest…run toward my dreams.

    • March 3, 2016 at 4:23 pm

      Oh, Deb, I am sending so much love. There’s so much out there. So much! (I’ve spent a lot of time the last few days thinking of a friend who’s apprehensive about a big but positive change just ahead. She’s unsure how well she’ll do, but man … it’s gonna be great.) ♥ ♥ ♥

  6. March 4, 2016 at 11:46 am

    Just felt a lump in my throat, something so candidly stated can mean the world to someone, we all need to run……from……. and towards…….wherever the road leads……

  7. March 6, 2016 at 6:22 am

    You write beautifully! Keep running for all that means something to you. 😊

  1. September 12, 2016 at 5:04 pm

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