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Archive for March, 2016

Coffee and history

Giving up coffee has wreaked havoc on me the last three weeks.

The last time I gave up coffee for a few weeks, I felt amazing. I was walking on sunshine within a few days!

This time around, I have felt the ache of its absence in virtually every waking minute. I’ve missed its smell, its taste, the buzz I got from drinking it, the way it gave me enough nervous energy to keep getting through things I’d otherwise not have nearly enough energy to tackle.

In the vein of J.D. from Scrubs, I’ve envisioned grabbing peoples’ mugs and laughing maniacally as I drank from them at a run while they stood behind, coffeeless and baffled as to what exactly just happened.

I’ve had to face the fact that, though I wasn’t pawning my possessions for another hit of my drug of choice, I was–am–deeply, scarily dependent upon coffee.

In the last few weeks, I’ve had to face some fundamental, hard truths.  Read more…

The Unicorn of Replenishment [is not real]

This post was inspired (in part) by my just-younger sister’s
post, “Unsought Advice.” Silver Star is working her fingers to the bone,
leaving me wishing I were closer in space to help share some of her load with her.

A couple of months ago, someone I hold dear sobbed about extremely distressing life circumstances she’s having a hell of a time escaping. As she sobbed, she told me people around her counsel her to “just be more positive” as if positivity is not a tool but itself the cure to all ailments.

I spent twenty or thirty minutes telling her where I thought those people could shove it and, in order of importance, why.

I was actually pretty eloquent then, but it was eloquence born of impassioned advocacy.

Tonight, I just want to briefly reflect on how positivity alone doesn’t cure anxiety, poverty, PTSD, or a million other ailments that took days, months, or years doing unspeakable damage to their targets before someone suggested they “just try positivity.” Read more…

Musical breadcrumbs

a relationship
with an older man
in college brought me
much heartbreak, but also
bruce springsteen

last week,
my husband
saw bruce perform
while my college self sulked
and my parent self thought,
“hey, this really ain’t
half bad”

a few days ago,
my husband pulled
a long, flat envelope
from our mailbox; inside
the envelope was a cd:
springsteen’s
nebraska
Read more…

39.5 days

Note:
I just wrote about how much I do not like proselytizing.
There’s a chance what I wrote below might come off as trying to sell you, but that’s not my intention.
I intend strictly, exclusively, to tell you why I feel so darn good at this exact moment in time,
in a way that doesn’t take me 408 hours to explain.

A few years ago, I changed my eating habits after a serious, months-long health scare following exposure to environmental toxins. Read more…

Categories: Health Tags: , , , , ,

Your comment, meet my trash can

Most comments on my blog are lovely: thoughtful, eloquent, empathetic. They’re so overwhelmingly lovely that it surprises me when I see the other kind, which I deposit directly in the trash.

What I consider “the other kind” expands beyond clear hate speech, generally falling into one or more of a handful of categories I call:

The Four Deadly P’s Read more…

thank you for

since
i gave up
coffee twelve-
point-some days ago,
not that i’m counting
or contemplating
ways to nab your
cuppa from you,
sleep is harder
to come by
than ever
before

(it’s a
short term
problem, but
it sure sucks
right now)

two nights ago,
i tried every
fall-asleep
tactic
that
has
ever
worked
for
me

nothing!

two hours of
nothing

… until … Read more…

tiny-armed hugs

tonight
i could have
gone to a
concert

bruce
springsteen!
the boss!
aaaaah!

(baby,
i was born
to run!)

my college self
wept that her
parent self
took a
pass

here’s the thing:
with two small kids,
some weekdays, the only
moments i truly get
to myself are
30 minutes
at lunch

every
other
moment
is often filled: Read more…

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