Home > Entertainment, Family, Movies > Weekend Coffee Share: The Final Girls

Weekend Coffee Share: The Final Girls

bubble 3If we were having coffee today, I’d ask if I could fumble through where I’m at before settling into contentedly listening to you. I’d much rather listen than talk these days. Truthfully, I’d really rather retreat to my closet and recharge there for about a month than just about anything else right now, and emerge only to spend time with my favorite little boys. That’s not an option, so …

You might have already picked up on that I’ve been feeling spread extra thin lately based on my reflections about others’ expectations and introversion earlier this week. There is constant stimulation and change around me, and the early week respite I’d hoped to help energize and keep me going appears to have vanished. So I must preserve what little energy I have, which I do–in part–by listening more than speaking.

Still, people often think you’re cold or inaccessible if you don’t speak at all, so I’d tell you I’ve been finding bits of energy in little things like my six-year-old son’s newfound love of Bad Kitty books. He laughs uproariously at least once every couple of chapters, and I’m in a similar boat. I’m excited that he can laugh so much while learning about things like the election process.

In things like my nineteen-month-old speaking up more words every day. Until the last couple of weeks, he’s been much more interested in signing than speaking with his mouth. He’s previously mostly used signs to express himself and his mouth to shriek when upset. The last week, he’s spoken new words like “apple,” “water,” and “gramma.” I’m enjoying listening him learn to express himself with a little more nuance than are afforded by ear-splitting shrieks of rage.

Then there's this one's love of wearing clean diapers on his head

Then there’s this one’s love of wearing clean diapers on his head …

I’d tell you how much I was touched by The Final Girls, which I watched alone yesterday morning and then with my bigger two boys in the evening. Never could I have dreamed of being so touched by a camp slasher flick, especially one so hilarious, but this … this was also about our connections to our deceased parents.

(I’d note this is shorthand for, “I cried.” My mom loved horror. I felt like I was watching this one with her.)

My husband the movie buff had already told me a couple of interesting facts about the movie by its end. First, it began as a tribute to one of the writer’s fathers, who played a priest in The Exorcist, an inspiration on which he touches beautifully here. Secondly, the movie was initially optioned by New Line, which tried to minimize the mother/daughter elements of the movie and focus on the slasher ones. Sony ended up running with the movie and, phew, am I glad it did. Lots of people could write a camp slasher parody, but few could write one with so much heart.

(Which is to say, I’d be brushing tears away from my eyes all over again trying to explain it to you. So. Good!)

I’d tell you that I hope you’ll check out my Q&A with La Sabrosona tomorrow; though my part was challenging to write with where I’m at right now, writing it was important to me. Usually when I write about my mom’s mental illness and my experiences navigating it, I gravitate toward the same handful of memories and emotions. This Q&A gave me a chance to speak to different parts of the experience, which means a chance that someone else might find a grain of strength they need to continue through their own struggles.

I’d tell you I’m even more glad now for Thanksgiving weekend than when I wrote “Is it Thanksgiving yet?” That I hope you’ll have a lovely week, and that I want to hear everything–everything!–about what’s been going on with you, or at least as much as you want to tell.

Having spoken my part, I’d be so happy simply to listen.


  1. La Sabrosona
    November 22, 2015 at 5:12 am

    I’m gonna thank you now and of course I’ll thank you again tomorrow for your honesty and courage. It’s hard to talk about. I can’t express how much your words help me and I’m anxious to post it tomorrow so they can help others.
    I made a chocolate chip banana bread with my kids yesterday. They were really excited about it, as I haven’t really baked in years. My Mexican, like a kid in a candy store, has been eyeing a cheap popcorn-popping machine at Walmart, and on Friday he finally purchased it. I had one of those when I was a kid so it wasn’t a big deal to me, but to my Mexican and my sons, when the kernels started popping they literally let out a “Woooooow, Ohhhhhhhh”. It was really cute.

    • November 22, 2015 at 5:21 am

      I am so grateful for the opportunity! Thank you, for both that and your patience with my getting it to you slower than anticipated.

      Oh, man. I’m grinning so wide at your family’s response to the new popcorn maker. I’ll try and keep that sense of wonder/mirth with me as I make my way through the day. 🙂

      • La Sabrosona
        November 22, 2015 at 5:38 am

        Fuerza! Beautiful Sunday to you :))

  2. directorb
    November 22, 2015 at 5:15 am

    Great post!

  3. November 22, 2015 at 6:04 am

    Sounds like our boys are growing excellently! I wish CDubs signed instead of shrieking 😰 … Sharing family stuff can be so hard. For me it’s like opening a wound somedays… I have to learn to accept what has happened has happened (and not figure out a better way it could have happened). You’re awesome for sharing 🙂 thank you!

    • November 22, 2015 at 6:56 am

      Oh, how I hear you about not trying to figure out a better way it could have happened! Each time I write, I become a little more accepting of what was, and less attached to what migt have been. Hope you week is lovely. ♡

      • November 22, 2015 at 7:11 am

        Thank you! I hope your week is as well (and hurray for understanding!)!

  4. November 22, 2015 at 7:02 am

    I enjoyed The Final Girls more than I expected to. I didn’t know about those background tidbits though. Thanks for sharing. De-emphasizing the mother-daughter part would’ve taken away from the movie.

  5. November 22, 2015 at 8:24 am

    Having just finished my first coffee of the day, I’d tell you how happy I am that we get to share this time together, and then I’d listen to all of the above without interrupting, just to ensure you could get it all out. ❤️ Then I’d tell you that things are good here: my house is in its normal disaster state (which, of course, is decidedly NOT good); BoyGenius is happy at school and has decided that he’ll do 2 weeks of sleep-away camp this summer; my odd mammogram is apparently nothing (smaller “difference” on the new pictures and NOTHING at all on the ultrasound). I’d tell you about replacing the faucet on the upstairs sink and how that 1-2 hour job became an 8 hour job involving a new faucet and new drain, some long-wished-for shut-off valves, the old sink being removed, two new ones being purchased and installed (the first one not quite covering the cut-out in the counter, even though it was the right size), installation (including silicone caulking) of the 2nd one, the realization once trying to hook the drain back up that the siliconed-sink had shifted and thus needed to be ripped up and moved over 2 inches, leaving a silicone mess on the counter top that still needs cleaning. I’d tell you about the words that popped into my head last week that wouldn’t allow themselves to be set aside. I’d share my anecdote about the check-out line at WalMart from yesterday.

    Then of course, we’d both chuckle about the kids, sigh and breathe deeply, inhaling each others’ energy and exchanging both the good and the bad as necessary so that our levels balance together. We’d listen to the background music from the speakers, the people, the traffic, and the machinery; we’d feel the vibrations and we’d share a knowing smile.

    • November 22, 2015 at 9:20 am

      It feels somehow wrong to reply to so many thoughtful words with so few, but my genuine, heartfelt response is:


  6. November 22, 2015 at 8:37 am

    My mom actually told me once when I was in one of my hibernating phases, recharging my INFJ/introvert batteries, that there was something wrong with me. I politely explained how wrong she was and sent her articles on introversion. It’s funny how people think things are about them, but it’s really not, too.

    All this holiday stuff makes me want to hide. I’ll have a quiet Thanksgiving, but then the whirlwind of the Christmas season starts….. Planning many self-care quiet days already. 🙂

    • November 22, 2015 at 9:23 am

      My sister worried there was something wrong with me during one visit to England, but it was a brief-lived worry. I feel so grateful my mom was the one to early on identify me as an introvert (also INFJ, with the “I” becoming increasingly strong over time), though I waved her away and told her all her tests were a bunch of silliness.


      Years later, I’m glad to know she could and did identify the trait as a neutral part of who I was: just part of what I should respect and learn to work with about my something, not something terrible or to be striven against.

      And, oooh, self-care quiet days sound lovely. I’ll be working one in here somewhere! (My husband proposed one yesterday evening for yesterday evening, but I’ll plan it in advance for maximum benefit. :))

      • November 22, 2015 at 9:37 am

        That is nice that your mom saw it for what it is — just the way we’re wired, and that’s OK.

        Yes, planned in advance, self-care days are even better. Enjoy!

  7. November 22, 2015 at 9:38 am

    I’m going to have to give The Final Girls a whirl, it sounds like. I hadn’t heard of it before now, but I’m intrigued. 🙂

    And I totally get what you mean about taking your energy from listening instead of talking and that being perceived as being standoff-ish or cold. I’m a very introverted person, and I can be rather shy, too. A lot of times that gets perceived by others as snobbery or coldness, at least at first. I make much better first impressions online. lol

    • November 24, 2015 at 6:04 am

      I saw it as a trailer a couple of weeks ago. I tried watching it that same evening, but my tired was stronger than my intrigued and I fell asleep almost immediately. I wanted to give it another try, and I’m glad I did. 🙂

      As I was typing about the introversion thing, I remembered how many times people called me stuck-up and snotty when I was younger. I also took note how they walked in groups and never asked me or invited me to join, assuming from my distance that I had no interest whatsoever in other people. Aaah, is it good to have built friendships since with folks who get it, and to have wider circles of potential friends through which to walk!

      • November 24, 2015 at 6:05 am

        (Concluding that final thought–I mean, compared to the school days, when I was stuck with whomever was in my particular class! So very glad those days are over.)

      • November 24, 2015 at 11:32 am

        Yeah, I have always had a difficult time making friends because my anxiety and introversion conspire to make me seem far more standoffish than I really am.

  8. November 22, 2015 at 11:00 am

    I have days, weeks, sometimes whole months like that. I hope you find some time for a respite soon, and that your Thanksgiving is peaceful and lovely.

    The Final Girls sounds like something I’d like so I added it to my Netflix queue. Thanks for the review. 🙂

    • November 24, 2015 at 6:06 am

      I’ll be curious what you think if you do give it a watch!

      And, oh man, I am ready for the respite, all the more so knowing that another four-day respite (or weekend with chunks of respite) is just around the bend.

      Happy Thanksgiving!

  9. November 22, 2015 at 12:51 pm

    There are times I feel like I don’t even want to leave my bed, but just snuggle under my covers and rest and recharge. Unfortunately, life often doesn’t give us time to have the rest and hibernation we need 😦 I hope that you find time to yourself and I’m glad that you have found things to give you energy 🙂

    • November 24, 2015 at 6:08 am

      Thank you, with an echo of your wishes back to you!

      Oh, man. I hear you. Most days recently I don’t want to leave bed. Once out, I do find little trails of silver to lead me through the day, but I’m really looking forward to not having to seek those so hard because I’m rested enough to see them all over without hunting so hard. 🙂

      • November 24, 2015 at 7:02 am

        Oh that sounds like a wonderful thing to look forward to 🙂 I feel like winter especially makes it harder to get energy and to feel rested with the days being so dark.

  10. November 22, 2015 at 6:34 pm

    It sounds like if we got together there would be a bunch of silence. Or venting. 🙂 I hope you can get your recharge. Hang in there.

  11. November 22, 2015 at 7:59 pm

    I kind of understand the need to retreat into as much silence as you can muster. I get that way when overwhelmed. I am often very quiet at work which I think frustrates my extroverted coworkers who assume I’m pest about something. Sometimes really listening can drain me, too, though. I do occasionally fantasize about being alone on an island..no talking or listening! I would love to listen to your children laugh and develop emerging vocabulary. That never drains me! I hope the week unfolds smoothly and the opportunity for more of that sweet listening.

  12. November 23, 2015 at 4:33 am

    Thanks so much for the coffee and the chat. It’ getting quite late now so I won’t say much except suggest you come round for coffee and read about my week.
    I enjoyed out discussion about the introversion-extroversion thing. I don’t think that I mentioned to you that one of our dogs is an introvert and he other’s an extrovert. Bilbo is a Border Collie and he really takes awhile to warm to strangers. Being all fluffy, people assume he’s friendly and I have to tell them to give him time and space to get used to them. I tel people that he’s the guy standing in the corner of the bar holding onto his beer. I don’t think people expect dogs to be introverts and can overwhelm him at times. I usually redirect them to Lady who loves and seeks out people and is so the extrovert wagging her tail so much it could almost fall off. Take care and I hope you find that oasis of solitude soon xx Rowena

  13. November 23, 2015 at 11:30 am

    This virtual coffee sharing activity is fun. I feel close to you. Wish we could actually have coffee (tea or hot cocoa in my case.)


    • November 28, 2015 at 11:05 pm

      Hot cocoa would be the best. And it’s okay, people still judge me for not speaking much as well

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