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Making space

October 9, 2015

I’ve felt ill at ease the last few months.

I didn’t understand why until a couple weeks ago, when I was moved out of my cubicle and into a “bullpen” at work. In these bullpens (or “density enhanced areas,” as a beloved colleague calls them), workers are seated side by side with nary a wall between us. It’s an introvert’s work nightmare.

The move was–is–distressing in ways I couldn’t have anticipated when informed of it a few days before it took place. Disruptions are frequent, loud and often prolonged, and there’s always someone in my personal space. In addition to having a harder time focusing, I’ve felt claustrophobic. Crowded.

Crowded. When I found that word, I found a name for my unease. I’ve felt crowded-in all around the last few months, and the move to a bullpen eradicated the last place I had space that felt like my own.

I’ll be making some changes over the next few months, but I needed to do something immediately to ease my sense of claustrophobia.

The easiest place to make space was my blog: I made almost all my posts private and decided to stop posting for now.

I immediately felt relieved. While there’s still work to be done, I now have some room to do it.

Please don’t fret about my absence. It’s a soothing, weight-relieving one for me.

I’ll be back, and most my posts will, too.

But for now, I just need this

extra little bit

of space.