Home > Parenting, Work > Just keeping on

Just keeping on

I feel,
at day’s end,
like all I am
is my work:

Work to
pay the bills-to
cover the heads, to
feed the bellies, to
keep water flowing

Juggling many balls to
keep things going, to
keep family sheltered, to
merely maintain

Who I am? Well,
that’s irrelevant,
just as long as I
keep working,
keep paying the bills,
keep putting one foot after the other
as if I am no more,
in the end, than
the just keeping on

  1. August 27, 2015 at 7:24 pm

    I think many of your readers can relate to this one. Well said.

  2. August 27, 2015 at 7:58 pm

    But don’t forget: that thing we call “keeping on” has some other names, less often used. Perseverance. Dignity. Love (as act, not emotion). Strength. Patience. There are times when “keeping on” means bone-weary, discouraged, and directionless. But those times are balanced by the others.

    • August 28, 2015 at 4:37 am

      I read this last night and thought it lovely. I read it this morning and feel it lovely. Thank you.

  3. August 27, 2015 at 8:15 pm

    Now, when I read your serious stuff I’m remember but hey you’re Pinky Pie!… but yeah, I feel you.

    • August 28, 2015 at 4:42 am

      My husband and Ra agreed I’m more of a split between Pinkie Pie and Farscape’s Ka D’Argo. I haven’t seen much of Farscape yet, but it seems a pretty spot-on comparison, even if one face usually goes one place and the other elsewhere. 🙂

  4. August 27, 2015 at 9:52 pm

    Sorry you’re weary today! If I were there I’d give you a big hug, and then I’d sing “The sun’ll come out tomorrow” until you begged me to stop.

    See how much worse it could be? (Sending that hug anyway.)

    • August 28, 2015 at 4:42 am

      LOL! Okay, so this is something I’ll be keeping close to my heart today. Thanks for that. ♥

  5. August 27, 2015 at 10:30 pm

    Very well written Deborah. It has that “hamster on the wheel” sort of feeling, and it is not easy. As of this year, I have been working for 40 years, (many different companies) yet it does not change.
    Sincerely hope there will be “joy among the mundane”.
    Thank you for sharing!

    • August 28, 2015 at 4:47 am

      YES to the “hamster on the wheel” bit. Most of the time I still have a little “me” left over come the evening, but the days where I’m spent by the end of the day … those are sad ones. The ones that make me wonder, “If there’s nothing left over for anything else, I guess that means that’s all I am.” I don’t feel quite as bleak about things this morning–likely thanks to these comments!–but the feeling’s still there. I want to be (in the untyped world) more than coordinator and facilitator. I want to do a little less of that and have heart left over after I fulfill those roles. Which, in retrospect, it seems funny to type … because I kinda think you get it already, without my saying more. Thank you!

      • August 29, 2015 at 12:11 am

        🙂 Just reading the comments, how many people can relate.
        Sincerely wishing a great day! 🙂

  6. August 28, 2015 at 12:08 am

    I like this poem. It speaks to the person I used to be. ‘Who are you?’ all I am is a cheque book. Thank you for reminding me how much better my life is now. Kudos

  7. August 28, 2015 at 3:05 am

    Relatable totally

    • August 28, 2015 at 4:54 am

      That simultaneously comforts me and makes me want to (in light of other comments, etc.) plan some kind of jaunty, no-holds-barred THIS IS WHAT LIFE REALLY IS retreat in the wilderness … like Burning Man without the fire? 🙂

  8. August 28, 2015 at 9:04 am

    I just wanted to echo the other sentiments about how relatable these words are.

    • August 29, 2015 at 9:21 am

      Thank you. I had a moment’s pause when posting: “Is this self indulgent?” Ultimately, I decided, “nope, just honest.” I’m glad I did.

  9. cardamone5
    August 28, 2015 at 4:02 pm

    Thank you for your kind note on LinkedIn. I know what you mean about feeling overwhelmed with work-related stuff. Although I do not have a job yet, the extra time my career search is taking has my eyes burning and my shoulders tight. I am trying not to compound that with anxiety that no one will hire me. I spent my whole career dodging that fear, and regret all that wasted energy. I cannot change my choices, and I do not even know if I would want to, since they led to my family, which I definitely would not change, and so I must work with what I have, and accept what comes, with gratitude and grace for being alive, healthy and surrounding by these amazing individuals who comprise my family. I wish you peace as you navigate working full-time, being a mommy and wife. You certainly have an optimistic perspective.


    • August 29, 2015 at 9:27 am

      Funnily, it’s not the work itself so much as everything that goes into making it happen: up before 5 to get myself and the kids ready, off at 6:15 for the drive to get there, drive, work, drive back, so that most the day is gone by the time I got home in the evening. I have so little left to get through dinner and bedtime routines that it sometimes makes me wonder: What’s the point?

      The good news is D’s school change plus my manager’s flexibility will alleviate some of this load shortly. I’ll have to give a little less time to work and driving and thus have a little more left for home, kids and mirth. I’m excited. Small changes such as those ahead can have surprisingly (hugely) positive impacts. 🙂

      I think a lot about changed choices, too. I wonder who I might have been if I’d had to spend less time just surviving early on and been able to focus more on not just dreaming who I’d be someday but making it actually happen. But then, when it comes down to it, I reach the same conclusion as you: they led me to this live I do love, no matter how exhausting it is. Maybe I didn’t get “there” as early as I might have otherwise, but … I’m not sure “there” is really as good as “here” after all.

      I am rooting for you in the days and weeks ahead. ♥

  10. August 29, 2015 at 4:16 am

    You are all this, and you are love. Remember, all this though it drags is into bed feeling the world on our shoulders, it is love.

    • August 29, 2015 at 6:03 am

      Oh, man. You hit my heart just where it needed hitting. I believeknow you’re right. Thank you. ♥

  11. August 29, 2015 at 10:52 am

    Very true! Unfortunately. Feel the same way and probably always will until I somehow strike it rich lol

    • September 1, 2015 at 4:27 am

      I’m feeling a little better thanks to a few offline changes and the online support. I figure there’ll be cycles like this ahead, though … not that I’m fully out of the “woods” yet, as it were!

  12. jottlings
    August 29, 2015 at 5:12 pm

    Hey there. Loved reading the comments as much as the post. Re: the My Little Pony comments – a male friend of mine has dressed up as Rainbow Dash for Dragon Con. My kids were discussing the ponies and said they like Pinky Pie the best- but I know a few little boys who quite like Rainbow Dash.

    • September 3, 2015 at 5:05 am

      I’d love to see live MLP cosplay! I’ve seen a couple pictures (all of women cosplayers) and wished for the full experience.

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