I am still Mom
An era is almost over.
I stopped pumping months ago, when I was able to drive over and nurse Littler J at lunchtime.
I wasn’t interested in returning to pumping afterward (who would be?!), but couldn’t bring myself to relinquish my “mom room” access at work.
Littler J is weaning now. He laughs and sticks out his tongue when I try to nurse him, though he’s–hesitantly–accepted anyway. So far.
Much as breastfeeding has been challenging, it has also been beautiful. Some of the best conversations I ever had with my mom were about breastfeeding, when she’d encourage me through my rough first six weeks trying to nurse Li’l D. Saying goodbye to nursing feels like saying goodbye to those moments, even knowing they will forever be a part of me.
Tonight I’ll fly to visit my sisters. Rache just weaned her little boy. This, then, seemed like the perfect time to acknowledge what is already true: Pumping is over. Nursing is almost over. This era is almost over.
I relinquished my access, understanding:
As one era ends, another begins. I’ll remember that tonight, and feel a little of my mom in Rache, my niece, and one of my sweet little nephews.
Nursing or no, I am still Mom … and forever my own mom’s daughter.