Home > Family, Parenting, Personal, Reflections, Youth > In darkness, sweet darkness

In darkness, sweet darkness

In the still darkness
of middle night
I walked

Only fourteen,
my mom released me,
knowing that trying to
hold me tighter
would lead her
to lose me
sooner

So, I walked
(before 3 most days)
three miles between
home and my mom’s church
while the rest of the world slept,
savoring the independence,
the solitude, the peace
of quiet never
achieved
at home

These moments,
the only sound my own thoughts,
I was free; I breathed wonder,
asked for no explanation
and owing none

Twenty years later
I still sense freedom
in the hours before light,
but seldom am free to savor them
as one child or another awakens first,
and rouses me with his
waking shouts

Some mornings–
this morning–I rise first,
and sit smiling
in the still darkness
of middle night

My feet curled beneath me
carry me nowhere, but
my heart,
oh, my heart!,
carries me back
to the freedom
of wandering
in darkness,
sweet darkness

Li'l D and Cashier sittin' in the tree

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  1. November 12, 2014 at 7:47 am

    That was/is simply beautiful. Really, really deep-heart-touching-soothing beautiful.

  2. November 12, 2014 at 12:10 pm

    Beautiful, Deborah…Simply beautiful. Your command of the English language and how to use it to create a feeling is simply SUPERB!!! You lovingly/carefully bring us into “your world” and create an environment for us that “I feel”…Does that make sense???Anyway, simply put: I like your writing! Thank you for sharing your talents with us!

    • November 12, 2014 at 7:31 pm

      Thank you so much, Lucie! Your words brought smiles in a situation–new phone purchasing, to be precise!–not usually rife with smiles. 🙂

  3. November 12, 2014 at 3:27 pm

    So good I had to Tweet and shared 🙂

    • November 12, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      @Arlene_Lugo

    • November 12, 2014 at 7:32 pm

      Thank you! It was such a gift to get that quiet time in darkness this morning. I mean, I was just sitting on a little footstool in the kitchen, but it was better than a sparkly throne in a sea of cupcakes. ♥

  4. November 12, 2014 at 3:34 pm

    Absolutely gorgeous, Deborah! I, too, am a huge fan of pre-dawn hours. Love your calling it middle night! Well done.

    Hugs from Ecuador,
    Kathy

    • November 12, 2014 at 7:34 pm

      It seemed the best way to describe this time, for which “early morning” doesn’t feel quite accurate! Now it’s much more early morning, but back in those days … it could occasionally fall the left side of midnight, and often was just within an hour or two of midnight! How I relished those walks, most especially when the only motion was leaves dancing down the street in the wind …

      Hugs, and YAY for seeing you here! ♥

  5. November 12, 2014 at 4:00 pm

    Lovely and peaceful, Deb. 🙂 XO

    • November 12, 2014 at 7:35 pm

      Thanks, Kasey! So glad to have written this, as a pathway back to this peaceful place even when it’s bright outside.

  6. November 13, 2014 at 7:34 am

    Love this! I can totally relate. Thanks for sharing!

    • November 14, 2014 at 5:02 am

      Thank you! Trying now not to be wistful I can’t (yet) have it more mornings. As my son says, “You get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit.” 🙂

  7. November 15, 2014 at 6:13 am

    I walked with you, early mornings are my favorite time. I love when all is quiet, peace reigns and it is only me and my thoughts. This was perfect.

  8. November 17, 2014 at 12:04 am

    Reblogged this on Yair Shalev.

  9. November 8, 2015 at 8:00 am

    I heart this ^_^
    ~B

  1. March 7, 2015 at 1:56 am
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