Home > Blogging, Facebook, Nerd, Silly, Social media > My blog’s search terms are scarier than yours

My blog’s search terms are scarier than yours

Most folks who read my blog are bloggers.

A handful of others got here by searching for a particular word or phrase. After peeking around, they decided to stay awhile.

I love posts about funny search termsI meant to write one of my own. Unfortunately, most my blog’s search terms are either appropriately earnest or scary pornographic. I want to erase those latter ones from my own memory, so I’m sparing you the scarring and avoiding them here. (My mom might have chosen a different superhero name if she’d known!)

This search term landscape called for a different plan. I’m still going to share search terms. I’m just going to share–in order of number of times they’ve led folks here–the most frequently occuring ones instead of the funniest ones.

  • 2,073 searches — “katniss”

I wrote a throwaway post about liking Katniss in the Hunger Games movie. I deleted it out of grouchiness that something so irrelevant should be The Great Beacon to my blog. Because, y’know, I’m opposed to people finding it.

  • bunches — “TMiYC bullying” (and similar)

I deleted these ones accidentally and could still kick myself for it.

  • 10/30/11: Reading While Walking revisitedbunches — “reading while walking” (and similar)

I’m the expert. WordPress made it so by Freshly Pressing this one. ‘Cause that’s how experts are made!

  • 67 searches — “one of those hideous books where the mother dies”

I accidentally deleted this post about one of my favorite YA books. Read it! (Pick up Stop Pretending while you’re at it …)

  • 43 searches — “irrelevant” and “your belief is irrelevant”

Oh, yeah, baby! This is me.

  • Remembering this April image helped23 searches – “life without facebook”

I’ve only written a gabillion posts on this. Sadly, WordPress has not yet expertified me.

  • 22 searches — “i don’t like katniss”

I’d rather have coffee with a cardboard box than book Katniss. (Please rest assured I still don’t hate your mom.)

  • love17 searches — “the love inside, you take it with you”

My now husband entrusted me and our baby son to an ex-boyfriend. For a 900-mile drive. The love and trust in that, the beginning of my saying farewell to my mom, I take with me always.

  • 13 searches — “monster butts”

It’s not that big, people!

  • 10 searches — “clothed dip”

No swimsuit? No problem!

  • 6 searches — “milfs forced to shave their heads bald”

The specificity astounds. For the record, I chose to shave my head. And I don’t talk about the single time I was called a MILF.

  • Which butts to kick, which butts to kick?!5 searches — “silk spectre classic”

Very few people in West Hollywood recognized this Watchmen inspired costume. Sigh.

  • 5 searches — “i was an extra in buffy”

I was. Seven times! (Did I mention I was a super diligent law student?)

There are bunches more search terms with only a couple of hits, but they’re either way too tame or way too terrible to share. So I’ll stop here and ask …

What search terms have led most people to your blog? Do they make you scratch your head, or do they mostly fit?

Have you ever not searched for something for fear it’d show up in a blog like this?

  1. October 22, 2014 at 7:09 pm

    You were an extra in Buffy?!! Dude. That’s awesome!!

  2. October 22, 2014 at 7:14 pm

    I made the mistake of putting an image of a shirtless Will Smith in a post. After that I kept getting variants of ‘Will Smith Nude.’ Maybe I should just take that thing down already.

    • October 22, 2014 at 7:17 pm

      OK, so now I’m tempted to see what this is about! I know that wasn’t your intention, but … curiosity!

      • October 22, 2014 at 7:18 pm

        It was about the lengths celebrities have to go to in order to maintain their appearance. Nothing tawdry. 🙂

  3. October 22, 2014 at 7:17 pm

    The funniest search that lead to my blog, was “bruised knot”. They came, and then read 5 pages. Sebum has also brought several visitors. I like that.

    • October 22, 2014 at 7:22 pm

      I’d never heard of “sebum” before. Reading the related post and I’m intrigued. Also about to sign up by email.

  4. October 22, 2014 at 8:01 pm

    A few that have led to my new blog so far:

    pulling teeth to cure madness

    proto nazi movements

    scull valley sheep

    joseph stalin sketches

    the whale cia

    Oh dear….quite a mix!

    • October 23, 2014 at 4:58 am

      That is quite a mix! Do you recall any from the old one? I’d bet those were on the terrifying side. (I still feel squeamish about some of the historical figures you introduced.)

      • October 23, 2014 at 7:36 pm

        Nope don’t remember offhand. But I know the figures you’re referring to haha. I might actually bring them back on my current blog, rewriting the articles and finding better sources of course. I don’t blog about killers there per se, but weird history and the bizarre/macabre rather go hand in hand haha

  5. October 22, 2014 at 9:21 pm

    My weirdest blog search terms are: “Cor Blok” (20 searches), “sharks escape into mall” (8 searches), “jackie fisher OMG” (7 searches), and “best seller title generator” (3 searches). I actually did write on most of these things, except the mall shark escapade – I have no idea how that one can have found me!

    • October 23, 2014 at 5:00 am

      I wonder if the shark search itself had to do with Hurricane Sandy? Funny that it led your way!

  6. October 22, 2014 at 9:22 pm

    Which episodes of Buffy were you in? Would live to check them out!

    • October 23, 2014 at 5:24 am

      Most images of me were super fleeting. I’m at the bus depot when Warren is getting on the bus outta town S6 and walking into Buffy’s office at the end of one S7 ep (I think the one with Cassie?). The one where you can really see me is a hall fight in “Storyteller.” That tickled me so much since I wasn’t scheduled to work that day and was only in one take of the shot. Buffy had a lot of emotional significance for me, heralding the age of my having girlfriends thanks to one who “tested” our comparability by gauging my response to Buffy, so this is still magic to me. Best of all was standing on Sunnydale’s Main Street decked out in holiday adornments and really feeling like I was here. That it was real. I aren’t visible at all, not even for a split second, but it rocked.

      I’m also one of the folks running away from the tentacled monster in the Angel episode “Supersymmetry.” Watch for Argyle! As far as I know, that is the only time I have ever looked remotely graceful. 🙂

  7. October 22, 2014 at 9:51 pm

    I did a post about kids learning to read and needing to censor the porn channels off of the channel guide page and the terms that popped up were deeply disturbing. I deleted most of the tags and replaced with rainbows and kitten. That’s when it got really weird.

  8. October 23, 2014 at 3:32 am

    I don’t have any really weird. Many of mine are either racial, interracial, or political. Nothing weird.

    • October 23, 2014 at 5:03 am

      Those are all pretty spot on! (Many of mine are really graphic assault/incest ones that should in no way be leafing here. Ugh.)

      • October 23, 2014 at 5:09 am

        I have some of those, like you I have graphic and pornographic, I choose to ignore.

  9. October 23, 2014 at 4:31 am

    I have SO many X-rated terms, it’s disturbing. But as for g-rated, my all-time top search terms are: “Under the Tuscan sun” and “vacuuming up toys”
    It makes sense as the top most viewed post on my blog is a short stupid post about the time I accidentally vacuumed up my kids’ toys. Go figure!

    • October 23, 2014 at 10:00 am

      Isn’t that bizarre? You do all this great work, and people arrive looking for the random words.

  10. October 23, 2014 at 4:59 am

    Funny and random search terms! I haven’t been following your blog for that long, but I enjoyed “catching up” with the links to some posts. The post about your mom meeting your son was beautiful – and quite an amazing feat! Congrats on blogging for several years…and the Buffy factoid is pretty fun!

    • November 3, 2014 at 6:26 am

      Thanks for reading that one! There are certain posts that I never want to completely fade away because of how much of my heart and experience they capture. That’s one of them, so that I get misty-eyed just thinking of the post … as I am doing now.

  11. October 23, 2014 at 7:10 am

    I doubt I have that many search terms yet. And the ones I have probably aren’t very fun. I haven’t written anything really juicy yet at the new place.

    • November 3, 2014 at 6:27 am

      I hope you’ll consider writing a post like this after the search terms do start getting a little more colorful. 😀

      • November 3, 2014 at 6:34 am

        Oh, I undoubtedly will. Search terms are fun.

  12. October 23, 2014 at 8:58 am

    Bunches? Seriously like “bunches of grapes” or “he tied his socks in bunches”? I can’t even fathom why someone would search for “bunches”.

    • October 23, 2014 at 10:33 am

      I think she means that she got “bunches” of searches on the term that follows in italics, not that the search term was “bunches”.

      • October 24, 2014 at 8:21 am

        Oh, thanks for clarifying that. I would rather feel that I was stupid for misunderstanding than think that lots of people out there on the web are crazy.

        • October 24, 2014 at 9:05 am

          LOL. I know the feeling – and you aren’t stupid, I wasn’t sure what the ‘bunches’ meant at first either. I think a lot of people out there on the web are crazy, but not in this specific way. 😉

  13. October 23, 2014 at 10:02 am

    I’ve never looked at individual words, just phrases. I get a lot of hits on a post I did on Bunny Bixler’s obituary. She was a fictional character in the wonderful Rosalind Russel movie, Auntie Mame. Turns out also the nom de stage chosen by a female impersonator on the east coast. Who knew!

  14. October 23, 2014 at 10:32 am

    The biggest single search term was 12 and was for king cake, but I can see that if I grouped similar searches together, there’s a bigger result. Without ever looking at my search results, I knew what it was. Boys in Tutus. I published this post about my sons’ early proclivities to wear girl dress-up almost two years ago. It is my 18th most visited post and would probably be higher if I had had a larger readership back then. It pops up periodically with views and I just know that someone out there is worried about a little boy in dress-up. I sincerely hope they find my post helpful.

  15. October 23, 2014 at 10:58 am

    Ha, this was great! I haven’t looked at the search terms used to find my blog much until reading this an sparking an interest. The most used ones make perfect sense and involve the words “single mom”. But, the strangest one that is the 6th most used term is “selena gomez is child”. WTH? I have NO idea that that is supposed to mean! The cutest one I found is “where to find good horse carrots”. 🙂 XOXO-Kasey

  16. October 23, 2014 at 12:12 pm

    Lately, the most searched terms of my blog have been related to medals for various races . . . but, until about a year ago? They were “underbra cleavage” and “midget porn”

  17. October 23, 2014 at 7:58 pm

    There’s one that keeps coming up, but I’m pretty sure the searcher is looking for something decidedly more pornographic than my blog… although I DO talk about boobs a lot!

  18. October 24, 2014 at 8:14 pm

    I don’t know about this.. I get people who searched for “Fat Lesbians” “Fat lesbians having sex” “Demi Moore lesbian” “bbw lesbians fat sex” and a number of other equally distrubing searches. Which none have to even do with my blog. I mean yeah, “lesbian” and “sex” are in my blog, but I don’t recall writing something as pornographic as they seem to be seeking out.

  19. October 25, 2014 at 7:51 am

    I always laugh at how people find my site as well. Sometimes I wonder how a search engine even put my site in that category.

  20. October 26, 2014 at 6:22 pm

    I just checked, and my searches are a good fit for my blog, nothing very scary. There are few funny ones, like “muffins meaning” — I have written about muffins, but I am not sure about their meaning.

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