Home > Family, Parenting, Safety > Safe for now

Safe for now

I stepped out of a meeting and saw I’d missed a call from my fiancee.

“Our son is fine,” his voicemail informed me without preface.

In the moment before he continued speaking, my breath caught in my throat as I imagined a million different terrifying scenarios.

Even after I’d heard the one that actually played out, even understanding our son was fine, I was hopelessly out of the swing of things the rest of the afternoon. My every thought was punctuated by the question, “What if?”

What if it had been something more serious?

What if our son had been hurt? What if one (or some) of his friends had been?

What if the voicemail had instead begun, “Deb, something terrible happened”?

When I drove up to the school and saw with my own eyes the aftermath of today’s incident, it seemed very small and very big all at once. And when I saw my little boy, I found myself especially pleased with his traditional running hug attack.

In this world, all was well. But enveloped in my son’s hug, ruffling his hair as he asked if it was donut day, glimpses of the could-have-been flashed through my mind.

I’m glad the could-have-been was not, not today. I’m glad my son is safe for now. I still wish I could give him perfect safety, but at the moment I am glad for the moment’s safety.

No matter how tired and beat I am after a rough couple of weeks, any day is good that winds down beginning with my son’s tackle hugs.

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  1. August 29, 2013 at 8:00 pm

    Deb, so glad your message was those first four words. Your gratitude shines through in your story. Enjoy your darling son–I know you do!

  2. August 30, 2013 at 12:51 am

    My youngest son is moving out tomorrow…on with his life as an adult…I am terrified. I am thankful. He is excited….great post.

  3. August 30, 2013 at 3:48 am

    The could-have-been scenario’s that play through our hearts under these circumstances are horrible and horrifying. The promises of tomorrow when enveloped in baby hugs, giggles and questions about donuts are brilliant.

    You can’t give him perfect safety, but perfect love? You do that so wonderfully he will likely believe in a world filled with promises of things far better than donuts all his life.

    I am to grateful he is safe.

  4. August 30, 2013 at 5:18 am

    oh boy, that is scary. I am a mom who is plagued often “what if….” scenarios as well. And I’m trying so hard to learn to, like Valentine says above, realize I can’t give perfect safety, and that it’s OK…but we want to! And why not, right? Glad you were welcomed to the big hug….every day we need to cherish those; not taking them for granted. love your posts; we are well-aligned.

  5. August 30, 2013 at 6:43 am

    So happy that the day ended well for all of you. It’s easy to lose today worrying about tomorrow.

  6. September 2, 2013 at 9:28 am

    You’re a good mom … son’s very lucky to have you and I’m sure you feel blessed having him.

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