Home > Family, Love, Parenting, Personal > I’m not ignoring you.

I’m not ignoring you.

I probably haven’t left comments on your blog recently.

Or replied to your last email, or seven.

Or tweeted you.

This doesn’t mean I’m not thinking of you, or wondering what you’re up to. It just means my only internet is phone-based at the moment. If I’m posting online, it’s because I have something I really, really want to say before I forget. Or, like now, because it’s 4:30 a.m. and I’ve already streamed my quota of The Mindy Project on Hulu.

I’ve missed being online, a little, but I’ve savored it, too. Instead of constantly wondering what I am missing online, I have been immersed in savoring the offline. Instead of arising and running straight to the computer, I’ve laid in bed and listened to the trio of snores filling the air around me.

image

I’ve washed the dishes, made my rice, read my daily chapter of Just One Thing, and sat on the living room floor savoring a sense of home greater than the one I felt at my last place. There, two friends anxiously began a journey of seeing if they could build a family from friendship. So much was uncertain then, and is certain now.

I feel that certainty in the DVDs and books mingled on our shelves. In the rug all three of us chose together on a shopping trip for a desk. In the things that aren’t in their places yet, but that I already feel because we’ve discussed where they’ll be. In the snores that fill the air of this apartment. Our home.

I’m not ignoring you. Promise. I’m just busy right now savoring the good in being right here, in body and spirit.

I’ll be commenting and emailing and tweeting you soon, but for right now, I am listening. I am listening, and discovering that my life is fuller of sweet, quiet melodies than I ever could have understood from the din of constant motion.

So for now, I am listening. I am hearing.

I am full.

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  1. January 26, 2013 at 5:01 am

    Hush, little darling. No worries. No one is leaving you. πŸ˜‰

  2. January 26, 2013 at 5:13 am

    I’ll wait…and wait, if necessary. I’ve been thinking about you and your health issues. Building a new nest is an exciting time – I’m glad you are savoring.

    • January 26, 2013 at 5:39 am

      Thank you so much! It is exciting, especially little changes like D asking to sleep with us an hour or two each morning. As I type this one- handed, I am the wakeful bread in a sleepy sandwich.

      Salmon is off my safe list for now, sadly, but I see the allergist in three days. Woo-hoo!

  3. January 26, 2013 at 5:24 am

    You are living, and that is a wonderful thing.

  4. January 26, 2013 at 5:59 am

    Isn’t it interesting how bloggers beat themselves up, yet the readers are patient.

    • January 28, 2013 at 5:27 am

      I wouldn’t say I’m beating myself up this time around, though I surely have in the past! This time I simply wanted folks to know I’m away(ish), not gone-or confirm it, rather . . .

  5. January 26, 2013 at 6:49 am

    Sometimes you just need to take some time to do those other things that make life living.

    • January 28, 2013 at 5:29 am

      Amen! Yesterday we hit yet another snag in getting internet set up at the new place. Rather than being disappointed, I was quietly delighted for a few more days to keep just being here.

  6. January 26, 2013 at 7:37 am

    Thanks for writing this post. I need to write a similar one. I’m afraid I’ve been terribly lazy or depressed or something. I need to go back several posts on a number of blogs in order to catch up. I’m glad you’re well and enjoying being offline. Savor the moments in your still-new home. The photo is precious.

    • January 28, 2013 at 5:31 am

      I was glad for (what I believe is) your most recent post! I didn’t read many posts on my phone yesterday, but that one had me thinking about my next trip to other-home. I won’t have as much time with my girlfriends there as I used to, but I sure do mean to savor every minute there, too.

  7. January 26, 2013 at 9:27 am

    Wipe that look of concern off your pretty face and get back to the business of living!
    Talk to you soon.
    Or not.

    • January 28, 2013 at 5:34 am

      Thank you! While I’m enjoying this time out of the stream, I hope it’s soon that I step back in … maybe not all the way out where I was before, but far enough that we should be talking soon. πŸ™‚

  8. January 26, 2013 at 1:16 pm

    Your words caused me to tear up not only because of its beautiful eloquence and honesty, but because of the permission you give yourself and others (like me) to just be where you/ they are. Sometimes, the hardest challenge in life is shutting down the “voices of should” that exist in all of us. However, it’s only when the are quiet can we really hear.

    Thank you for this, and know, as Renee said, no one is going anywhere. You are loved and your writing is valued.

    • January 27, 2013 at 6:21 am

      Well said. Those voices of should can build lots of anxiety. Nice to shut them down for a while.

    • January 28, 2013 at 5:42 am

      Your comment made me tear up, Mary. Thank you.

      Before, I would give myself permission for a day, or even a week. This is the first time I decided to let this shift be what it is, for however long it needs to be. I credit your blog with some of the tools necessary to make this happen. I’m grateful. ♥

  9. January 26, 2013 at 2:07 pm

    I am simply thankful when I see your name in my e-mail and know you have posted, knowing you are good. This makes me happy. I am grateful you are finding your center in your new home, snores and all. This transition to your new home and your new health, I am glad you are finding your way.

    I will wait and wait. Be grateful for your next post, that is what I will do. I love you to much to do anything else at all.

    • January 28, 2013 at 5:46 am

      Every time I see your name, my heart is lifted. Did I ever tell you that? It’s like I’m carrying a heavy backpack and I know I’m going to be able to take it off in just a few more steps. Then I read your comment, your each and every one, and it’s like you are helping take that backpack off. There’s a sense of a burden being lifted somehow. I don’t know what it is, exactly. Then again, I don’t need to know exactly what it is to be grateful for it, and you. Thank you for your vocal love and encouragement. I love you.

  10. January 26, 2013 at 6:55 pm

    Everybody needs a break now and then, and you sure as HECK have earned one of your own. Enjoy! (And yes, I’m not ignoring you, either, I’ve just been … well … slower than normal. And since my “fast” is other people’s “slow”, well, you see the problem! πŸ˜‰ )

    • January 28, 2013 at 5:48 am

      Hee. You strike me as many things, but “slow” is not one of them! I wish I could think on my feet as quick as you. πŸ˜€

  11. January 26, 2013 at 10:02 pm

    You bring a smile to my face, just reading this. It is wonderful that you are able to enjoy life “unplugged”. I do love seeing your posts in my inbox, but I love that you get to spend quality time with your precious family more. ❀

    • January 28, 2013 at 5:52 am

      Aaaaah, how I love seeing your name and beautiful smile in comment! Then I get to the words and it just gets better. I think stepping away from Facebook, though I miss the daily interactions with some folks there, was a step in the right direction … towards being okay with a little quiet. Knowing leaving Facebook wouldn’t end conversations like this also helped, then and in the steps that followed. ♥

      • January 28, 2013 at 7:23 am

        I have missed seeing you on facebook, but I know where to find you! It’s funny, about a week ago I saw a picture that reminded me of you, so I went to share it and tag you… But I couldn’t find you! I panicked, thinking, “Oh my gosh, did I say or do something to upset her? Did she BLOCK me?! Oh no!!” Then, I remembered your post saying you were leaving facebook, and so I came to your blog to “catch up with Deb”. I let out a huge sigh of relief when I realized that my narcissism knows no bounds and you were simply living and getting through some “life obstacles”. Is that my nice way of saying you’re hungry, and nearly avoided death? Yes, I think so.

        Anyway, despite my funky humor, I am so very grateful that I still get to “see” you here, and touch base this way! You are such an inspiration to me; to see beauty in every day things, to appreciate family, to share love. I hope you have a wonderful week! πŸ™‚

  12. January 27, 2013 at 6:39 am

    Keep listening (you know how I understand the importance of what you are doing)!! It’s amazing what you can hear from your heart when you calm your mind, πŸ™‚

  13. January 27, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    ❀

  14. January 28, 2013 at 6:22 am

    Ha! Thomas has the same crib/bed contraption πŸ™‚ Also, love this post. I get so frantic blogging and commenting and reading and writing that I forget to breathe sometimes. We miss the story when we’re too busy… writing stories πŸ™‚

  15. January 28, 2013 at 11:49 am

    Phew! I thought you hated me.

  16. January 28, 2013 at 11:52 am

    What you are doing, Deb, is what life is all about. We think in this Internet world that if we aren’t constantly “connected” we’ll miss out. It’s quite the opposite. Keep doing what you are doing because THAT is where precious moments live. Love you. XOXO-Kasey

  17. January 28, 2013 at 6:28 pm

    ❀ you! I do hope you're feeling better!

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