Remembering Andy. Remembering life.
Buffy Summers may not slay sickness the way she does vampires, but she and her gang comfort me through sickness in other ways.
Buffy, Xander and Willow on VHS were my most reliable companions through my lonely season in South Korea. They held me through my law school years in Los Angeles, and a later move to Japan. Unlike the friends and family with whom I loved watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I could pack them up and ship them with me, a portability I cherished. Being with the latter Scooby gang far away from home made me feel not so far away from home at all.
I’ve mentioned I was a fangirl, and that I worked as an extra on the show several times, but I haven’t really talked much about the specifics of my fandom. Sometimes it’s a little embarrassing to remember how devoted I was to a television show. Most the time, though, I just smile and shake my head at my younger self, all the while remembering to be thankful she led me on such interesting adventures.
This morning, sick and happily lost in Buffy marathon, there’s no embarrassment, just gratitude as I remember one specific fangirl encounter.
One of my fangirl delights in law school was the annual Posting Board Party, where various fans gathered together various Buffy-related folk for a party benefiting charity. My first one resulted in pictures such as these:
I have other pictures to show my fandom, such as ones where I did silly scene recreations like those below, taken at “Sunnydale High.”
At a later Posting Board Party, I took pictures of actor Andy Hallett, Angel‘s karaoke-loving “Lorne,” as he belted out a few tunes. I had just developed them the next day when Andy himself walked by. My friend Briel and I said hello and that we’d actually just been looking at our pictures of him. He sat down to look through and chat over the pictures with us and left having sweet-talked us out of at least one.
I thought of that exchange in late March 2009, when I learned he had died of heart failure. Although I didn’t know him personally, his work moved and continues to move me. I thought of it again when I awakened from a fevered dream, enveloped in the comfort of Buffy but saddened to remember Andy’s passage.
In my new year post, I said, “Always, I will be grateful to have another day left just to be.”
I am bedridden today, and feeling miserable. Physically, that is. Otherwise, I’m doing just fine. I’m in good company, company that’s kept me going through many years and hard times.
I’m glad the silly adventures I’ve had along the way are with me as I lie in bed and remember. I’m equally glad to know they’re with those who shared those adventures.
I may be sick, but I am also grateful, so grateful, I have another day just to be, and remember.