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FTIAT: Mothers and Daughters

Katy (I Want A Dumpster Baby) caught me with her name, but kept me with her heart. I once tried to explain her to my godmother, saying that I loved all of the things about her that are like my mom while also loving her for who she is even apart from that. When I met her in March, I could feel her before I even saw her. And when I saw her, the love just radiated from her as if it were literally a light.

Katy is, as she says, an alcoholic who doesn’t drink and a smoker who doesn’t smoke. I say she is a lover who loves and loves and loves, sometimes with funniness, often with glitter guns and others with don’t-you-dare-try-that-on-me firmness, but always in a way that makes me think, “Man, is the world better for you being in it.”

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Mothers and Daughters

Here’s the thing about Mothers and Daughters.  It’s a tricky relationship.  One that ebbs and flows and, ultimately, one that teaches a girl how to get along in the world as a girl and then as a woman.  The mother does her best to teach her daughter what she has learned and then does her best to let her go.  No matter how many wrong turns the daughter makes, the mother is just there letting her know that she is loved.  The mother will do anything for her daughter, and yet, the one thing she will not do is love her to death.  There is a point where the mother does the one thing that she never thought she would have to do and that is say, “enough.”  From this tiny little woman who is my mom comes this powerhouse of strength, faith and commitment.  My mom is the strongest woman I’ve ever known.  She has the strength and conviction of an army of men.

I may not have always agreed with her. I still don’t.  But I respect her.  And the best thing is that today, I’ve earned her respect.  I make living amends to my mom each day I am clean and sober.  It’s the best gift I could give her.  I want so desperately to give her a grandchild.  I am working my best on that effort and my mom has been my angel while I’ve been going though this fertility struggle.  With little notes every other day, just saying “HIYA” or “How you doing Honey” or stories of my niece and nephews she knows will make me smile.

She also takes the time to write long, beautiful notes to me since they moved across the country and I am so appreciative.  She knows I don’t like to talk on the phone and she has adapted.  My mom is the best audience a comedienne like me could ever want.  She laughs at EVERYTHING I say, all the while saying, “You are so funny, Kitten.”

I’ve been given the gift of watching my mom explore and open her mind and world to new ideas and to not see things as so black and white.  I hope I have had a hand in that.  It’s made me less judgmental.    I’ve been sober for 10 years and when I got sober, I started smoking cigarettes and continued for 10 years.  My dear sweet mom never said one word about that.  The whole time, and I know she hated it.  Always has.  But it was the lesser of two evils and if she could have her daughter sober and smoking, that was the better option for her.  NO JUDGEMENT.  I find that incredible.  She would even come outside with me when I visit while I smoked because she just wanted to be with me. We weren’t very touchy feely while I was growing up, but I tell my mom every chance I get how much I love her and respect her.  I watched her wish she could have had a more open relationship with her mother, and I’ll be damned if I let that happen with us.  I wrap my arms around her tiny little frame and I almost cry every time because I love that woman so much it hurts.

I’m so thankful I’ve had the gift of time and sobriety to grow with my mom.  I think about our relationship today and it is strong.  It is blooming.  We like each other today.  So very much.

We’ve grown, we’ve changed, we’ve made mistakes, we’ve challenged, we’ve accepted, we’ve forgiven, we’ve healed.  And now, we just love.   For this I am thankful.

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  1. September 14, 2012 at 8:04 am

    The relationship between mothers and sons is equally tricky and fraught with peril…. Trust me.

  2. September 14, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Even as a guy, on the outside looking in, I can hear and feel the love. A great tribute to two wonderful, loving, beautiful women. Brava!

  3. September 14, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    Wow. You are so fortunate. Not everyone has this kind of relationship with her mother. Whenever I see people post these lovely things about their mothers, I feel guilty. Because I don’t have these memories. Or these feelings. I am so happy for you. Nice to see you at Deb’s, Katy!

    xoxoRASJ (Teachers & Twits)

  4. September 14, 2012 at 6:26 pm

    This was lovely, sweet and grand all at once. It made me wistful. It made me hope my sons think nice things of me, if not now someday. It made me glad I discovered an ember in my heart that I hadn’t doused. It made me hopeful.

  5. September 14, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    Aw man, this is so beautiful to read about. Thank you, Katy, for bringing a teary smile to light my night as I sit in bed reading your words. I love you, and I’m grateful to know you, and am so happy for you and your mom.

  6. September 14, 2012 at 10:17 pm

    Wow, Katy… this is so wonderful!! It made me tear up, and smile all at the same time. But, you make me do that every time I read anything you write. What a beautiful gift your relationship is for both you and your mother!

  7. September 15, 2012 at 2:36 am

    So endearing with so much love and inspiration. Though I can relate more with the mother and son relationship I grew up with 5 sisters and saw how each relationship is unique both with challenges and trials but in the end, love prevails and that is what matters. These are priceless, “We’ve grown, we’ve changed, we’ve made mistakes, we’ve challenged, we’ve accepted, we’ve forgiven, we’ve healed. And now, we just love. ” Thanks for sharing.

  8. September 17, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    This is beautiful. I hope your mom gets to read it- I miss my mom even though I had a really tough time accepting who she was, and I wish today I had the chance to tell her I love her unconditionally.

  9. September 18, 2012 at 7:38 am

    KitKat, I love you and I love your tiny little mom! Not just because she gave me the gift of you, but also because of who she is in her own right. Every parent/child relationship is going to have its ups and downs and twirl-arounds; the love is what allows us to survive and thrive. ♥ ♥

  10. tinafrazier414
    September 18, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Love this post. I feel incredibly lucky to have found your blog. Thank you for sharing:)

  1. September 21, 2012 at 12:02 pm
  2. May 6, 2013 at 9:10 am

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